enough of the suspense

If there is anyone out there that follows me regularly, I apologize for keeping you in the dark.

This last tuesday we (all us Mexican borns, not my brother) met with the attorney, she was trying to make this a big hit. You know, getting my mom and I taken care of in one. Upon my mom's hesitation and details on how far my mom's process went, the attorney decided it best to prevent a paper-trail until she gets a feel for how the Chief of Immigration responds to the details of my mom's circumstances. So if he says, "ridiculous! no way we will not grant her an adjustment of status" then the attorney will not push for my mom, but if the Chief seems positive about the matter, then we'll start paperwork for my mom.

In the meantime, the attorney is going to set up that appointment with the Chief.

So far she's been talking to the Deputy, who is a personal friend of hers and works right under the Chief. I swear I want to be just like her. She's so incredibly sure of herself, and promises to fight for me until I am approved for adjustment of status. I feel like she's my second mother, I haven't met anyone who has so much passion when she talks about how she's going to make this happen for me.

So what happens is she meets with the Depute (this is the joint motion to reopen), but it seems like this may be it. No need for court appearance, at least that's the impression I'm getting because of the paperwork my dad and I have filled out. One of them is for an immediate adjustment of status. I'm obviously not sure what happens once the Chief takes his decision.

But until residency is approved, I will have a work permit. Which means I can work! get a driver's license! (an real ID!!) the idea itself just makes me want to throw up and cry. . . I can't tell you how many times I've imagined myself holding a driver's license and I can't keep from breaking down.

The last time I told someone I was undocumented I had an uncontrollable crying fit because I wasn't sure how they'd react and there's so much pent up emotion of all sorts about this, they told me, "calm down, it's not like you have cancer". It's not cancer, but to think that I may one day hold that little plastic key of identity, acceptance, legitimacy, recognition, existence, feels like I'm being given the cure to my cancer. And it really is, it's the cure to the entire spectrum of emotions that flows through me every time I think about how I don't actually exist.

It probably sounds absurd, but that's how I've felt ever since I was 15.

Enough of the sadness!

Things are going to be changing in the next few months and I could not be happier, it's about the most amazing, important thing that will happen in my life, screw giving birth haha.

MUCH LOVE!