the irony

Life always cracks me up, even if it makes me sad, it cracks me up in the end. I never would've imagined the one thing I've wanted most in my 23 years of life would be my greatest fear yet. I've been toyed with this adjustment of status, so I guess it's hard to believe it's actually going to happen . . . not happening yet, but this is the closest I've been and it's truly freaking me out.

I can't express in words how much I want to have this life of having a job, making real life changing decisions. Not that the decisions I've made up to now have been for naught. How can I explain this . . . I've always felt like a baby who's been set down in the middle of a candy store but can't get any of the candy, every other baby can. That's been my life up to now. Ok maybe the baby has had access to the tootsie rolls, but that's it, all the other babies have little walkers and access to tools that help them reach the fancier candy. And this tootsie roll baby could've had the fancier candy if only it'd had that special access card, hah literally.

Don't get me wrong tootsie roll baby isn't complaining because during its time in this candy store she's had the honor of rubbing elbows with some of the most amazing people. So she may have had no access to the candy, but there were a lot of networking opportunities, yes a networking tootsie roll eating baby. It's fine because she's had amazing experiences with these amazing people, no exaggerations.

So no regrets, but now this baby is about to get that members only access and is going a little crazy because she's unsure how she's going to handle this avalanche of candy. Real life changing decisions . . . I've never had to truly commit to anything but school. School has been the only place I've excelled because there were no limits and everyone around me encouraged me to go as far as I wanted. Once college rolled around things got rocky, but I made it, and then a giant halt slap in the face.

Yes the thought of opportunity scares me even though opportunity is all I've ever wanted. Quite the internal battle.

Luckily tootsie roll baby has the greatest people in her life, my family (yes that's my friends too, you know who you are) and with a support system like this there's no way I'm not going to be able to handle this avalanche of life. I'll just surf it :)

Thank you for reading and being in my life!

MUCH LOVE!!