a little stable

finally, relatively settled into the new place in Venice. have a bf. going to school for Kineseology. don't think i'm doing law school anymore - i think i picked up that idea out of spite and anger for what i've had to live through. I can definitely see myself being a lot happier being a trainer.

i can't really go finding myself a place in this world until the decisions in my life actually count for something. not that the decisions i've made up to this point have been pointless, they've helped, but i haven't been able to do anything to show for it. i have a BA in soc and glbl studies woopteedoo! --- i can only see myself becoming more frustrating and disappointed if i were to become a lawyer. i got myself "invovled" in this club created as a support group for ppl in my place . . . all i've discovered, well not much news really, i don't have an activist spirit. i know that if i'm going to want to make a diffirence as a lawyer there will have to be a lot of acitvist work to be done . . . maybe bc of where i am at this point in my life, i don't feel like fighting for the rights of others. yes i'm selfish, but i'm a big enough person to admit that i'd rather other ppl put themselves out there for me. i'm too much a coward? no, i just have too much respect for what my parents have done to allow for what i've been able to attain - i suppose achieve - so far.

basically the plan for now is, finish up with kineseology, actually get kickass grades so i can transfer to the personal training program at UCLA. if by the time i finish up with the program my issue has not been resolved, i am picking up and leaving so i can actually live. i can't go five more years hoping and crying for things to come through for me. if there is anything i've always hated in life is waiting, and i've done it more than i ever wanted to . . . but only time will tell how this life of mine will play out.

i will say i'm pretty pleased with life right now. i've stopped drinking on wknds, decided drinking will be reserved for birthdays and new yrs :) am working out regularly, it's the best medicine to keep me from falling into depression, i've lost about 15lbs so far, and hope for 10more. yay! life is great - my family is safe and sound, my friends are awesome, and i am staying in one piece.

Originally Posted: Monday, May 4, 2009, at 10:23pm